Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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