watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
