omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
