He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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