Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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