Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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