She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
