she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
