Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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