I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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