there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
