I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
