i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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