Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
