no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
