Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
last night I used snow as a chaser
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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