idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
