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Plan B is the new Plan A
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
