Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
