well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
