Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
