If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
