I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
