your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
