someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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