There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
