You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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