1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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