I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Pants 0. Shit 1.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Girls should come with a carfax report
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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