Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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