god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
