His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
