i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
