This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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