i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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