Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
