Yo dont text me then not text me
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
