"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
