I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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