Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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