girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
