i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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