Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
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His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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