bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
NoShamevember. You game?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
