loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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