dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
