Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I fill condoms, not promises.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
