dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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