I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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