My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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