i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
