theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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