It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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