on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
