I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
