mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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