Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
