Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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