So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize