Pants 0. Shit 1.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
