The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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