she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
