I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
