I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
