I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
